Through The Eyes of Chad

My journey living with HIV, Addiction, Loss and Hope

2020, Death, COVID, Gratitude, New Beginnings, Friendships

As 2020 comes to an end, and as I wake up today on the 3rd anniversary of my mom’s death, I want to take a moment to reflect on the year. Each year dealing with my mom’s death changes a bit. I miss her more than ever and there isn’t Read more…


Another Mother’s Day…

     It is hard to believe that another Mother’s Day has come and you aren’t here. There were so many times over the years, where I took this day for granted. Since you left me a year and a half ago, I have and continue to go through one Read more…


What the hell is wrong with me?

November 5, 2018|STRENGTH, COURAGE, ANXIETY The past week and a half have been some of the hardest, scariest, and rewarding days I have experienced in a very long time.  Tomorrow, November 6th, is my mom’s first birthday since passing away.  It has been looming painfully in my background for some Read more…


After So Many Years…Why is it so hard?

October 3, 2018 It has been over 8 years since I fled California.  It is interesting to think about it now. At the time nothing was clear, but today I can say I was fleeing.  I was running away from myself. I was running away from the very real destruction Read more…


Why have I gotten so far away from the ability to be vulnerable…

February 16, 2018 “How do you feel so empty? That you wanna let it all go?  How do you get that lonely, and nobody know?”  These are lyrics from a song by Blaine Larsen.  It’s interesting since I have lost my mom, I have felt myself slip into that sort Read more…


You Are Never Prepared

January 19, 2018 The last words I heard from my mother were “Come back home”. Those are the words seared into my mind. All my mom wanted was for me to come back to Salt Lake to be with her. I had only left two days before. Little did I Read more…