Through The Eyes of Chad

My journey living with HIV, Addiction, Loss and Hope

Another Mother’s Day…

     It is hard to believe that another Mother’s Day has come and you aren’t here. There were so many times over the years, where I took this day for granted. Since you left me a year and a half ago, I have and continue to go through one Read more…


What the hell is wrong with me?

November 5, 2018|STRENGTH, COURAGE, ANXIETY The past week and a half have been some of the hardest, scariest, and rewarding days I have experienced in a very long time.  Tomorrow, November 6th, is my mom’s first birthday since passing away.  It has been looming painfully in my background for some Read more…


Acceptance Seems Impossible, At Least For Now

March 9, 2018 I am lost. I feel like I keep sliding. Each passing day it hurts more and more. I thought time was supposed to heal all wounds.  My thoughts get darker and darker especially when I am alone. I never imagined losing my mom would hurt like this. Read more…


Why have I gotten so far away from the ability to be vulnerable…

February 16, 2018 “How do you feel so empty? That you wanna let it all go?  How do you get that lonely, and nobody know?”  These are lyrics from a song by Blaine Larsen.  It’s interesting since I have lost my mom, I have felt myself slip into that sort Read more…


You Are Never Prepared

January 19, 2018 The last words I heard from my mother were “Come back home”. Those are the words seared into my mind. All my mom wanted was for me to come back to Salt Lake to be with her. I had only left two days before. Little did I Read more…